Under the Dome Season 1, Episode 13 “Curtains” Review

Rating: 3.0

I’M FREEEEEE! *clears throat* I mean, on the season finale of Under the Dome, very little happened and Big Jim acted like a douche. I’ve learned to keep my expectations very low with this series, but I was left feeling incredibly underwhelmed and disappointed. I thought I had lowered my standards enough, but I was very wrong. Let’s review, shall we?

This episode, “Curtain”, featured our favorite mini-Dome. The monarch butterfly finally hatches, leaving it to fly around in its little cage. Everything seems to be looking up, but the Dome has other plans! It’s angry, and a total blackout ensues.

With the premiere of Sleepy Hollow, I thought we had met our apocalypse of Biblical proportions quota for the night. Once again, I was wrong. Just when you think Big Jim couldn’t get anymore ridiculous, he calls a town meeting. In the church. That’s right: Big Jim is now preaching. The Book of Revelations has been abused enough for one evening, I’d say.

On top of this, Barbie is able to break out of prison. I don’t know why no one bothers to un-handcuff him, but the poor guys gets to spend the episode without the use of his arms. He follows a now fully mobile Julia to the mini-dome, which has been moved back to the shed.

The teens still believe that Barbie is The Monarch and require his presence as they unlock the mini-Dome. After placing their hands on the surface, it explodes into dust, leaving only the egg and a presumably dead butterfly. The egg starts glowing and a mini-earthquake hits. Julia picks up the egg, it stops glowing, everything is still, and the butterfly comes to life to the worst soundtrack I think I’ve ever heard. Plot twist: Julia is The Monarch. Let it be known that on this day, nobody was even remotely surprised.

The group takes the egg to the woods where it was originally found in an attempt to communicate with the Big Dome. The Dome’s voice is channeled through a hologram of Alice. In the most cryptic and unhelpful way possible, she informs the group that the Dome was never intended to punish the town, but instead to protect it. For this to be possible, the egg must be protected. Protection in exchange for protection…ok then.

How could this episode get any more confusing and convoluted, you ask? Easy! Just add Big Jim! He is still out for Barbie’s blood. Because he’s already shot too many people and is probably bored of that technique, he decides to have his labor force of townspeople assemble a gallows to publically hang Barbie. So….yeah…that happened.

My favorite scene in the episode featured Big Jim and Junior. My week is never truly complete without one of Big Jim’s special monologues, and the season finale certainly delivered. He tries to form and alliance with his psychopathic child, one built on only truth. Based on my conversations with my fellow audience members over Twitter, it’s safe to say that we were all wishing for Big Jim to kill Junior in cold blood. ‘Tis the season finale! We needed that shock value. Instead, we got a father/son bonding hug.

“Curtain” concludes with Julia taking the egg to the lake in a rowboat and throwing it in. I don’t know how this is protecting it, but this episode was all kinds of confusing and all over the place. Barbie has the noose over his neck when the pink stars appear, rising this time instead of falling. This creates a sort of firework effect over the Dome. The final shot is of the still darkened Dome from the outside. Fade to black.

That had to be the WORST conclusion to a season finale ever. I wish I was exaggerating or kidding in any way, but I think that was supposed to qualify as a cliffhanger. So, we’re going to be stuck with the same plotline and drama going into the season two. When this show fails, it fails HARD. This is like going to class and handing in an incomplete homework assignment. Well congratulations, Under the Dome: you get an F on this assignment. See you all next season!

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