Holy stupid vampire stuff in a coffin with my mouth taped shut, where do I begin?
I’m tempted just to write “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh” for 500 words, but I know that won’t quite cut it. I probably should just learn from my mistake (the mistake of caring about this show at all) and just sit back and enjoy the ride, no matter how awful it is… but I can’t. I know that True Blood can be better so I want it to be. Remember seasons one through three? Remember how the stories were relatively well paced if not a little character heavy (ha!) at the time? I remember being able to tell exactly what was happening and not having to watch each episode twice (thrice in the case of the season six premiere), I remember compelling villains, well-woven story arcs, and most of all I remember characters that had any semblance of an allegiance to one another, or that were at least good.
If I really sat and thought about it for a short while I could probably pinpoint where this series stopped caring about genuine character progression and started becoming sensationalist premium channel garbage (does Marnie and her special making vampires scream “The sun!” abilities ring a bell?). It’s still a fantastic show—I enjoy every moment of the crazy because there just isn’t another show out there quite like True Blood. But I really, really need the top billed characters to make a lick of sense. So allow me to address them for a moment:
Jessica: You were yanked from serious religious oppression into a vampire life. You loved said vampire life, even when it meant dealing with your crazy ex boyfriend Hoyt. You are the best, most loveable character on the show. And now you are in full-swing cult world by believing that Bill is the new vampire messiah and that you must help him. YOU ARE FALLING FOR BILL’S CRAZY. Can’t you see what’s wrong with this picture?
Jason: You’re going to conveniently write off the fact that you were seeing your crazy, racist, and sex-dream parents for 3.5 episodes with the fact that you had a concussion? Apparently Sooks is okay with it. Maybe you’ve done this your whole life. I wish you had a better explanation.
Bill: Some huge change of heart has happened here; this started last season but apparently you genuinely believe that humans do not matter. I don’t care; that means that all the other fans and characters are against you. Ah, the way things should be.
Sam: You are the character I have the biggest beef with. For the last three and a half seasons you have spent every other episode either fighting with [insert character here] or getting along with [insert same character here]. I’ve figured out your formula—it’s like you have multiple personalities… because I remember a time when you and Luna were deeply in love at the end of an episode and then on the verge of throat-tearing at the beginning of the next. The same could be same of Tommy. Or Sookie. And now Nicole. At least you’re predictable.
Eric: You are the character that makes me toss all of my morals aside. You’ve got that charm. You can do no wrong. From Nerdy Eric to Creepy Eric, you’re fine, honey darling. (Note: stop being rapey. I can’t handle you being that way.)
Moving on. My major beef is that True Blood is laying the concentration camp metaphor on a little thick. Wait. Pause. It’s not even a metaphor.
One of my friends, Shana Lieberman, said it best this evening: “It would be one thing if they were making a good metaphor and making a point about prejudice or something, but they’re not. They’re just going for shock drama.”
Indeed, what was once a very subtle and genius metaphor for prejudice is now an outright, blanket statement with bad spelling. You know what really sucks, though? The whole concentration camp metaphor is in many ways understandable—I mean, look at the havoc the vampires wrought in the last three seasons. Look at how vampires genuinely feel toward humans. Even Eric, the now-moral center of the series regarding vampire-human relations, treats humans as though they are worthless unless they happen to be a telepathic waitress. Jessica has renounced her good-girl ways to follow Billith. Pam is a sadist. Tara is well on her way to thinking like all of the vampires.
So, why should we care? We’ve known them for six seasons? If we’ve seen most of these vampires rape, murder, and take part in general bloodlust… Why do the fans root against their capture?
This is the dilemma with True Blood. No longer can any character be constituted as “good”. How can we root for the core characters (sans Andy, Terry, Lala, Holly, and Arlene) if every action that they take is one that hurts others, often deliberately? Of course Sookie and Jason mean well, but in the process of trying to be good they have trampled all over others; Sookie, in some ways, killed out of cold blood. Jason renounced his friendship with Jessica and made it clear that he would kill her if she gave him a reason to. Even Alcide, the mostly genuine “nice guy” of Shreveport, has fallen under the spell of pack magic and now can only be counted as a complete ruffian.
I don’t know, guys. I’m in a bad way regarding True Blood. I’d really love to hear some differing opinions, because I’m emotionally spent.
I live-tweet #TrueBlood every Sunday night! Follow me @BlaireLovesTV!