True Blood – Season 5, Episode 2 “Authority Always Wins” Review

Rating: 7.1

Rutina Wesley gave a chilling vampire baby performance this week on True Blood. Honestly, if I could write an entire review about how awesome vampling Tara is, I would. I got chills.

I have to admit, I’m excited to see Pam as a maker. I absolutely love that Pam’s first act of makerhood is to firstly watch Tara wail on her friends, then subsequently use the age-old phrase, “As your maker, I command you.” We’ve heard it time and time again, but Pam’s sarcastic, uninterested tone followed by her annoyed exit sold us on how uninvolved she is going to be in taking care of vampling Tara.

Vampire baby Tara is far more terrifying than baby vampire Jessica was, and I’m genuinely concerned for her as a character. It is heart breaking to watch Tara be made and abandoned, then left with the people who irresponsibly forced her into vamphood in the first place. The havoc that she wrecked on Sookie’s property is completely fair in my mind. Besides, Sookie has cleaned up bigger Maenad-themed messes before, hasn’t she?

Unfortunately, Lafayette is starting to feel guilty over what he did. I appreciate this about him and would encourage anyone in his situation to feel the same way, but giving Tara a new life and then trying to take it away while she sleeps helplessly isn’t the right way to do it. If you’re feeling guilty, Lafayette, then seek out vampire help, use the power of Google to learn about how to deal with a new baby vampire, or just try leaving her alone for a while. Tara deserves more than to encounter misery after misery, so let her deal with this on her own. Stop interfering.

Moving on, lest I stay on Tara for too long.

Terry continues to be crazy and attacks Arlene twice in this episode. I’m sympathetic, Terry. Truly, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one of the worst experiences a person can have. I totally get it. But stop hurting Arlene! Seriously, you two are adorable and she deserves better. I don’t like this plot line, and I don’t like having to deal with war-caused PTSD. Wacky Terry was fun, and we completely sympathized with him before, but now it’s starting to leak through that he didn’t just see something bad, he also did something bad. No, no, no, no, no! Excuse me while I whine in the corner for a moment.

Alright, I’m back. Next, we’ve got another episode of Bro-Time with Bill and Eric. Featured in this week’s episode is their ridiculous height difference, noted by newcomer Salome, the gorgeous vampire who wisely slaps Nora in the face. The authority tortures Bill and Eric but they each one fails to give the other up. I don’t remember these two being so chummy, not ever. What gives? I’m not buying it, and I think that it’s just convenient for the writers to put these devilishly handsome, leather-clad Sookie enthusiasts in tandem because, frankly, it’s too hard to write them apart anymore. I get it, Sookie rejected them both after they tried to save her life, so now they’re a part of some secret society for the broken hearted, but I’m over it and I want them to intently dislike one another again. This isn’t character growth, it’s convenience.

Bro-Time with Bill and Eric proves to be a fruitful venture in this episode, however, because we finally get to meet The Authority and we have the pleasure of seeing Bill’s “I’m-being-tortured-physically-rather-than-emotionally” face—seriously, this was acting gold. There’s some pretty lame news about The Authority, however: The writers have taken the most widely used Judeo-Christian vampire stereotype by making Lillith the mother of all vampires. For those of you who are curious, Wikipedia actually summarizes the myth quite well. (In short, Lillith was supposedly made before Eve as Adam’s equal. She refused to let Adam be the one on top when they consummated their relationship on a physical level—forever being known for a woman who did not understand her place in society, which is below a man— and was banned from Eden and cursed to birth thousands of demons who would subsequently drink the blood of children who were not blessed at their local place of worship.)

The Authority is otherwise pretty awesome. Everyone is fun to look at (most importantly: One of them is a ten-year-old boy) and Detective Stabler—I mean Christopher Meloni— as Roman, The Guardian, leads the troupe while striking fear in our hearts. He even speaks Latin.

The absolutely, positively most entertaining plot arc of this entire episode was Steve Newlin crashing Jessica’s party. There’s not a whole lot to say, except that “fang boner” is a great phrase, it’s good to know that I could chip a tooth on Jason’s butt, and it’s also good to know that vampires don’t like their hair being pulled on, either. I’m proud of Jessica, and I maintain that she is the best vampire in the whole series. She is really starting to come into herself as an adult, and Bill should be a proud maker for her acts of courage and maturity.

And finally, Luna and Sam are really dumb and I hope that they’re done with each other. Seriously? Sam, you were just tortured for hours on end by the werewolves of Shreveport and suddenly you’re going to defend them because Emma might become one of them? Really? The guy whose death you took part in because he mistreated the woman whom you claim to love is really worth sticking up for after his mother just tortured you?

And Luna, you just risked Emma’s life by getting Alcide involved in Sam’s near-death experience, and she, as your blood, is the only thing that you can stand up for? Why did you get Alcide to save Sam if Sam is so easy to throw away? And seriously, why are you overacting here? Like, serious Acting 101 no-nos have been violated. Calm the frak down. I don’t know how this 360 was even made possible, but I guess we’re just going to have to stick to it and find out what happens. It’s not like we can just stop watching any one of these abundant plots. Seriously, True Blood, rein it in a little bit.

And finally, let’s break down the rest of the episode:

Andy and Jason find Debbie Pelt’s car. Andy finds V and promptly gives it to Jason to throw away. Good for you, Andy, I couldn’t bear to see you go off on another bender; Nora whimpers a lot, isn’t dead yet; Vampires have really neat technology that they’re not letting the rest of us in on. Seriously, UV rays and blood detectors are pretty awesome ideas; Vampires ascribe to the Judeo-Christian traditions rather than predating them, which is annoying and lazy writing; Jason gets punched in the face by a teenager for sleeping with every woman in Bon Temps. I kind of agree with the kid; and finally, Ginger is back and glorious as ever. We’ve missed you, Ginger. Welcome back.

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