Reality Check #2

The Reality Check is a weekly column containing the musings of multiple writers on various reality TV shows. Are you hopelessly addicted to a reality show? We invite you to contribute your thoughts! The Reality Check runs every weekend on welovetvmore.com.

Real Housewives of New Jersey

realhousewivesofnewjersey

by Caitlin Malone

Overall it was a fairly uneventful episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey sprinkled with a few interesting moments. Melissa might be confused about how TV works, Jacqueline struggles with her son, and Teresa reaches out. Here are the highlights:

– Melissa worries about what to include about her father in her book on how to be a good wife. She doesn’t know if she should talk about the fact that her father, who passed away when she was 17, would go for a drive and not come back for three days and she worries that he may have cheated on her mom during these outings. She is clearly apprehensive about writing about her father’s past in fear that perhaps it will seem like exploitation, but isn’t she talking about this on TV? So we already know what she isn’t sure she wants everyone to know? Ok, this is more complicated than it needs to be. If you are talking about it on national television it is probably okay to write about in your book, Melissa.

– Wait, what? Teresa is calling Caroline? Last season all we heard from Teresa is that Caroline needs to mind her own business. Now Teresa wants Caroline in her business?

– Rosie, Kathy’s sister, talks to Joe Gorga about Teresa. More or less it was a boring conversation that we’ve heard a million times with various cast members that maybe someone can talk some sense into her. All I took from this moment is that people should not wear hats and sweatshirts the same color as their skin tone. I’m lookin’ at you Joe!

– Jacqueline continues to make progress with her son Nick who was discovered to be autistic. It seems that there has been progress but they of course face roadblocks. It’s sad to see them struggle with this, but it’s great to see Jacqueline working so closely with her son.

– Teresa types out a blog entry which is painful to watch. She says every word out loud before she types it. She says “new paragraph” before she makes a new paragraph! It is like nails on a chalkboard!

– Wait, what? Now Rosie is talking to Teresa? Ok, there was some arguing between the two and Rosie is definitely lit like a christmas tree. But wait, are they laughing together? Are they agreeing on things? Pigs are flying? Teresa does mention that Rosie should “sober down” which brings things back to “reality” a little.

So all of that happened. Oh, and Rich annoyed Kathy a bunch. Hopefully everyone had a great fourth of July, I just hope we can all “sober down” in time for Sunday’s new episode.

The Bachelorette

thebachelorette

by David Warren

Poor Juan Pablo. He rocked, and though all but one must go, it was somewhat tragic to see him depart the week they played a soccer game. Brooks made a comment about beating ‘these girl scouts’ and, for a while, the guys were doing ok. Then in large part due to non-goaltending from to the highly immobile James, Des and her spanish pro teammates prevailed.

Speaking of James, as predicted (and previewed), James was confronted by the guys and later Des, and there was lots of crying. The one guy who keeps a hankie in his suit pocket ends up crying the most and doesn’t even use it. It’s hard to say if the guys were right in getting on his case without really hearing exactly what he said. But just like when Ben left, the confrontation that led up to James’ dismissal doesn’t necessarily have to be the reason he was let go; it could just have been, in relation to everyone else, “She’s just not that into you.”

Zack got to show his creative side – nearly every side, actually. I prayed that he wasn’t going to be buck naked, for his sake. We now know that, if he ever loses his job as a ‘Drilling Fluid Engineer,’ he can successfully enter into the field of painting exceptionally inaccurate and disturbing images of women.

Are the guys getting free shirts? Now in Spain, the guys have lost the scarves and each seems to be wearing a colorful v-neck, creating the effect of being in a bag of Skittles full of little Adam Levines.

Speaking of working together: “If James gets a Rose, the rest of the group will collectively —- themselves.” That’s the quote of the week from the Bachelorette. It epitomizes the group’s frustration with James and makes an impressive statement about how these gents can really be in sync…well at least in relation to moving their bowels.

So now it’s Zack, Drew, Brooks, Michael, and Chris. Five for fighting. Brooks seems to be leading the personality contest and Drew’s apparently the leading kisser, but Chris is still the overall frontrunner.

Big Brother

bigbrother

by Kyle Trembley

Hey, what’s worse than a house full of wannabe reality TV stars? A house full of wannabe reality TV stars making racist, sexist, and homophobic remarks in their very first week on TV! As widely reported, the language and behavior in the ‘Big Brother’ house was not exactly wholesome last week, leading to two houseguests – Aaryn and Ginamarie – being fired from their real-life jobs. How will this affect the MOST LOATHSOME HOUSEGUEST POWER RANKINGS? Let’s find out!

Note: I only watch ‘Big Brother’ on Wednesdays, so the power rankings are based entirely on that episode. And remember, we’re losing one contestant every week, so the total number of ranked contestants is shrinking week-to-week.

15. Howard (Last Week: 16) – Holding strong for non-awful people everywhere, Howard was barely present on this week’s ‘Big Brother’, which is certainly for the best.
14. Amanda (13) – What a week for Amanda. She stood up to the two-headed devil that is Jeremy and Aaryn, got busy with McCrae just for the hell of it, and delivered the week’s best line by calling Elissa “not the sharpest botox needle in the box”. A tour de force!
13. McCrae (10) – The genuine terror with which he reacted to Amanda’s aggressive flirting is something we can all relate to. Thanks McCrae.
12. Andy (5) – Sufficiently dialed back his obnoxiousness to actually be enjoyable this week.
11. Helen (11) – Won everyone over with her uncontrolled crying after Jeremy stole the wine she was so looking forward to.
10. Judd (12) – Settling in as harmlessly stupid. Still yet to “start schemes”, as promised in his intro video.
9. Candice (15) – Disappointingly voted for Elissa instead of David.
8. Nick (8) – A little grating, but helping Spencer get the job done in the battle between the Moving Company vs. THE MOST AWFUL PEOPLE ON EARTH.
7. Spencer (7) – Probably too eager to show how good of a player he is, but as with Nick, he’s on the side of good in the world of this show.
6. Jessie (6) – After an eventful week one, smartly shut up after being sent to the chopping block, and was rewarded by being entirely ignored in the voting.
5. Elissa (3) – Dumb as a stump and likely to win MVP every week due to her familial connections.
4. Kaitlin (9) – Made the tragic error of aligning herself with Jeremy. Oh, Kaitlin. I had so much hope for you.
3. Ginamarie (1) – Hilariously silent during the voting show, likely because she got word she was fired from her pageant coordinator job. Serves her right.
2. Jeremy (4) – His speech attempting to take blame for the wine stunt was truly one for the ages, and his unfortunate tendency to self-identify as Cherokee by yelling the most stereotypical and offensive things possible appears to only be strengthening. If you offered me $1,000 to hang out with Jeremy on his boat for an afternoon, I would turn you down. Promptly.
1. Aaryn (Last Week: 14) – After a relatively quiet first week, Aaryn’s true colors came out this week, and turns out her true color is “THE WORST”. From encouraging wine-stealing then blaming the rest of the house to the aforementioned casual racism, Aaryn turned in a week of loathsomeness for the ages. Can she keep it up, or will she be struck down by a bolt of lightning? Only time will tell!

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